9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
