I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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