Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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