i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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