drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
