I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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