just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
