he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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