so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
