I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
