I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize