I look better un-naked...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
