omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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