your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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