I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
