I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
