Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
