Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
