I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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