its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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