So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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