you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
