last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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