I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
