ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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