Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
