I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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