Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
