so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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