hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
