i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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