I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
