somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
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