Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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