dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
