Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
