you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
