please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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