U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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