Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize