You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
