Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
