If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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