You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
