they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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