Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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