I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
