Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
