i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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