We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
