I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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