Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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