lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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