meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
