she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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