He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
