We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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