I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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