He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
