Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
