I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
