well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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