yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
