I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
