I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
look no pants
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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