According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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