I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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