Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
