the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
