8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet