Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
