you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*