he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too