She's JV to your varsity
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
