Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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