Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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